Members of the Glass Community are ‘no longer safe’ in the Emily Wilding Davison Building, a top UK construction-glass protection watchdog has confirmed.
Tend-2-Pane, the organisation in question, began its investigation after concern arose that the violent deaths of two pieces of safety glass were not properly handled by the College. The watchdog’s director David Blower released the findings of the organisation’s enquiry on Friday. After six months of intensive investigation, the Blower Report has concluded that the deaths were preventable.
Blower stated: "Our investigation has raised major concern for other members of the Glass Community still currently working In the building. We believe they are no longer safe from harm. No member of the community should be at risk of death in the workplace. Especially one that involves no heavy machinery and is full of frappuccino-dependant white girls from The Home Counties."
More harrowing was the report's revelation that the College may have lied about how the deaths came about. Vice-Chancellor Raul LesCelles had stated in a press release that the victims, two seven-foot study booth windows only in their third year on the job, had perished due to unforeseen architectural faults. However, the Blower Report concluded after a post-mortem of the victims that both panes died in a separate, targeted attacks.
The College is open to further investigation but denies claims of anti-fenestrism (racist abuse towards glass) amongst its student base, instead suggesting that exam-related stress may have been the cause.
Damon Mulcahey, an eight-foot Tyneside safety-glass automatic door who works in the Shilling Building stated: “It’s heart-breaking that our community has been targeted in these racist attacks. We’re honest, hardworking folk.” Sliding back into closed position, he added “It’s not right that my three little mirrors are now scared of walking to school.”
Fearing that exam-related stress could cause more incidents, the Students’ Union has set up an off-the-record ‘Stress Clinic’ for students who are angry enough, or are harbouring enough anti-fenestric sentiments to attack windows and other members of the Glass Community. Welfare and Diversity VP Eilidh MacClean stated “We’re providing students with the opportunity to take out their rage on punching bags and stress balls. For more serious cases of stress, we’ve set up a tent with a Rage Against The Machine CD and a large assortment of drywall.”
She added: “We’re expecting a lot of Kyles.”
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