Students Furious as College Abandons UCAS to Join New University Super League Table

The College has abandoned its membership of UCAS to join a new international university ranking league, it has emerged.

Along with UCL, Stanford, Moscow State University and Cornell to name a few, Royal Holloway has agreed to enter a new league table. Citing a "need to increase the global profile of our university", Vice Chancellor Raul LesCelles announced on Monday morning. When asked what convinced him and the board of directors after days of negotiations, he replied: "A very emotive and emotional plea by the Dean of Stanford University. Just kidding." he added, "Money. The board fucking loves it.

UCAS have threatened to rescind the College's place on its application system, citing 'absolute double-crossing bastardry'. A spokesperson for Anglia Ruskin University said "You've got to be fucking joking. Just as people were finally starting to take us seriously!"

Students appear, bizarrely, for once, unified. Head of Labour Society Mira Hussein told us "This "We students make this university what it is, not the board of directors. It's nice to actually agree on something, maybe we're not so different after all, maybe we both want something good for the benefit of everyone." Head of Tory Society, Richard Head said "I hope it gets reversed. I'm usually all in favour of increased competition, but my shares in UCAS are fucked. This is serious cashola I'm losing here. It's worse than Gamestop."

SU security guard Dave Haynes told us "I don't really care to be honest." He added, escorting a student out of the union plaza: "It's just nice not to be Public Enemy No.1 for once."